I've been secluded in a cave for a while, & I just saw the election results. I saw them by way of a map on Fox news. The whole damn country's red?! 50 years after Joseph Mccarthy laid down the law once and for all, the commies have officially invaded and taken over!!! Oh good, I guess I might finally get health care now...

"Immigrants, Assimilate or Go the Hell Home"? Gee whiz, what a classy featured article for Thanksgiving day... "