This is it. Enough is enough. The world's in turmoil, the news is bad and it's time to take a firm, unbending stand on the issues that matter. My foot's a-comin' down and it's not comin' up, baby. I'm takin' a hardline, pro-kitten stance, and I'm not gonna faulter 'til the day I die. This is about right and wrong. This is about morals. This, friends, is about principles. Here's how it works:
Everywhere I'm seen from here on out I will be carrying a small, loveable kitten. In all pictures taken of me I will be surrounded by the most adorable befuddled, purring balls of fur you've ever seen in your life. Why? Because nobody can argue with a ****in' kitten! No sir! If you go against me, you're going against the kittens, buddy. What kind of a sick, deranged kitten-hater are you? It will be impossible to lose a political discussion, no matter how far-fetched and outlandish the opinions I state may be. For example, let's play a little point/counter-point.:
Point (myself, holding newborn tabby): I strongly beleive that every American should be forced at gunpoint to eat their own raw sewage on Christmas!
Counterpoint (my opponent): That's evil and preposterous!
Point: Preposterous? Evil? These are the terms you use to describe the pro-kitten agenda? Ladies and gentlemen, as you can see, my opponant is CLEARLY saying he is anti-kitten. Sir, with all due respect, you are a bad, bad man. Just look at this kitten! I suppose you would take it's pwecious wittle life if you could. Disgusting.
Counterpoint: But you said...
Point: Enough! You're making the kitten cry.
...and so on. See how this works? You can do it too! The pro-kitten agenda. Maybe, with a little elbow grease and a few corporate sponsers (Purina, Fancy Feast) I'll be ready to run for office in 2008. Will it work? Of course it'll work! Just look what happened November 2nd! And so, in conclusion boys and girls, remember to vote pro-kitten in 2008. Aren't they just adorable?